Vanquishing Common Halloween Monsters (with Shelving)
Zombies Homo necrosi
Strengths: great metabolism, team work
Weaknesses: standardized tests, lawnmowers
|When in doubt, bash 'em out|
Vampires Homo vampiris
Strengths: sultry good looks; army of tween devotees
Weaknesses: tanning booths, Italian food, Kristen Stewart
|*Slayer not included|
Werewolves Homo lupus
Strengths: excellent hair, own best friend
Weaknesses: rolled newspapers, games of fetch
Frankenstein Homo victors monsterus
Strengths: reaching the top shelf, puttin' on the ritz
Weaknesses: pick-up lines, camp fires
|Don't let his dapper threads fool you: he is a terrifying monstrosity|
The strength of a raging bull elephant, the mental prowess of a Tamagotchi - Frankenstein is truly a deadly foe. Scientific study has shown that the most effective way of defeating this monster is to rally against him in numbers and scare him with fire. It always goes exceedingly well.
We carry several hardwood shelves and brackets that burn quite excellently for this purpose. Pro-tip: Doritos make for highly effective kindling.
|Please don't ask me why.|
While at present the demons are at bay, we here at Shelving, Inc. stand watchful over the world in anticipation of future uprisings. Remember our full motto, "a shelf in every room...keeps you from a monstrous doom!"